I remember waking up next to you, who was still asleep with a peaceful face. I would smile at how beautiful you were even when you were sleeping – your long eyelashes, your small nose, your pink lips, and my favorite part among all of them, the moles on your face. I would count each of them when I woke up earlier than you and tap them one by one with my fingers while admiring the fact that the man of my dreams was right next to me. Then, as the sunlight streamed through the window in an announcement of the rising sun, you would wake up, open your eyes slowly, and I could see your pool of honey eyes getting hit by the morning sunlight.
They were exquisite, but nothing compared to the smile you gave me as your eyes met mine.
Ah, I thought how amazing it would be if I could see your face every day. I told you that many times, and your answer would be the same. You were not going anywhere. I believed that, or so I thought. I spent days, months, and years believing in that single sentence, only to know that you were lying.
You left me.
I asked you once; did you remember? I asked you why. Why did you say that if you were going to leave me eventually? Was that only a form of temporary comfort you gave me? I loved you nonetheless; I did everything in the thought of you; I gave you all of my love until I was left with nothingness. For that reason, why did you leave me?
That night, the rain was dreadful. I stood before you inside my apartment; the lights were off since you were trying to leave in silence in the middle of the night.
You didn’t look me in the eyes like you used to. You didn’t give me that lovely smile like you used to.
You didn’t hold my hand like you used to. Instead, you avoided my eyes; your face was dissatisfied; your hands were folded on your chest; you looked tired of me and of us.
‘You changed.’
You said. Those were your last words to me; we have never met since. You vaporised like a morning fog; you disappeared without leaving any trace for me to find you. I couldn’t find you anywhere, no matter how hard I tried.
One day I was struck by the truth: did you not want me to search for you? I chuckled to myself for not realizing it all these years.
I was sorry for not knowing that you did not want any of me anymore. As you wished, I stopped searching for you.
Hence, my question remained unanswered.
Who exactly changed?
Was it me?
Was it us?
Or was it you?
